I could talk about myself all day, but I won't.

My niece is my best friend and the owner of my heart
I love animals
I abhor meat-eaters
I like to lick a little bit 'o labia - courtesy of Lizzy the lezzy
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A magic carpet ride.

I've added a new section at the bottom of every feature for comments. Use them. You're allowed to vote too. Get involved. I insist.

I'm trying to be a real lawyer so I might not have the time to keep you as entertained as I usually do. Be fair! I'm just a little boy!
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Ellen played a bit of YouTube video that rocked my world. I had to investigate her and share my findings. I think she's the coolest chick alive and my future ex-wife. She goes by Karmin on YouTube, but Ellen called her Amy. Whatever her name is, she's talented.

How many sexual partners does it take to root you firmly in whore territory?

More than your age (10 | 55%)
Over 20 (5 | 28%)
Over 10 (3 | 17%)
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"It's a little bit horrifying just how quickly everything can fall to crap. Sometimes, it takes a huge loss to remind you of what you care about the most. Sometimes, you find yourself becoming stronger as a result, wiser, better equipped to deal with the next big disaster that comes along. Sometimes, but not always."



- Meredith -
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Oprah ruined my fun game. That bitch. I'm joking. Some housewife could shank me for saying that. LOVE Oprah. This is Lea T, the world's first tranny supermodel. She's really hot - if we disregard the whole penis thing.
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You know the deal

Manish girl (5 | 28%)
Girly boy (13 | 72%)
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I didn’t have a regular childhood. I’m the youngest of 6 children (my eldest sibling is 15 years older than me) and my parents had me when they were 39. Basically, they were tired. Tired of Disney movies, theme parks, dance recitals, sports matches, playing silly games in the garden and bedtime stories. They believed they’d reached that stage in their lives where they could go away for the weekend and enjoy being more than just Mom and Dad. But that wasn’t the case. My siblings were too cool to hang out with me and when they did, I wasn’t allowed to act like a kid. I had to watch R18 movies, watch them get drunk and learn about sex. So I spent most of my time with my parents and in my room reading. I didn’t play fun games; I went to jazz festivals in Cape Town. I didn’t go to Goldreef, I went to guest houses in quaint little towns. I turned out fine, granted I was the most pensive seven year old ever.

As a result, I can’t relate to most people my age. I’m learning that playing is great and that stuffed animals make great cuddle buddies. But it ends there. Beyond friendship, I don’t know what someone my age has to offer me. I often find myself attracted to older women and because I feel 28, I don’t see anything wrong with it. The only problem with this is that older people don’t understand the rules of engagement. They tend to patronise and try to control. Like dragons, you must train your older person or they too will show you flames. Unless the age difference is significant, no older person is allowed to parent you or use their age in negotiations.

Here are a few tips to help you train your dragon:

1. The fact that this dragon is with you means she’s either immature or that you’re mature. She has no leverage. You are equals. Never let her forget that.


2. Being older doesn’t make her smarter than you; it just means she might die before you. So she’s seven years older than you. What does that mean? That she was using a pen in school while you were still using a pencil. That she learnt to wipe her ass before you. That her permanent teeth kicked in before yours. Are these really bargaining tools?


3. Never allow yourself to be parented by your dragon. If the taste of you is still fresh in her mouth, she can’t act maternal. That’s just creepy. She should save all of that for her kid sister/brother.


4. Don’t let your dragon give you relationship advice or tell you how to be a better partner. So she’s slept with more people in the past five years than you ever will in your life, she’s with you because her other relationships have failed. Otherwise she’d still be with her last girlfriend. She should be open to taking advice from you. Which you shouldn’t actually be handing out. Remember, you’re equals.


5. Never let your dragon make major decisions without consulting you. What she says doesn’t go. If she thinks it does, then you should go.


6. Don’t feel inexperienced because she’s a big old whore. You can learn from each other. Dragons aren’t like old dogs, they can learn new tricks. And you’re a pup, just try not to piddle on the carpet. If you’re both big old whores, get tested. That should’ve been step one.


7. Expect to talk about the future. This is the case with all relationships, but there might be a time crunch with the difference in ages. Children etc. Get all expectations out of the way from the beginning. You can’t tell her that you’re not ready for a long-term relationship 10 months in. By definition, that’s what you’ve been doing. Both of you need to understand that your lives are moving in different directions. The average 35 year old doesn’t want the same things the average 22 year old does.


8. Don’t be afraid of what she might think if you act playful. Everybody loves to play.


9. Don’t let money make things awkward. So she has her own place and a job and a shiny car. She’s earned them. Don’t expect anything from her and don’t allow her to pay your way. You’re not much of an equal if you’re taking handouts.


10. Treat her well and expect her to treat you well. Don’t take advantage and don’t be a victim. You believed you could handle it so step up and be real. No pouting when you don’t get your way.


At the end of the day, you should both love and respect one another. Or remove yourselves from the situation. Oh and don’t call your older person a dragon. There are way too many negative connotations that have nothing to do with a cute movie.

xoxo
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“You know what really scares me? I liked being fucked up, now more than ever. Is that a kid thing or a family thing?”

- Becca -
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Are relationships really worth it?

Yes (8 | 35%)
No (15 | 65%)
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I wish I could clone Whitney from "The Real L Word". She does all the things that I like. Her dreads are amazing - because they're clean. Piercings, tats - I wouldn't be able to walk away. My version wouldn't be a douche though. And she'd be smarter, maybe even well-spoken - if her DNA wouldn't curdle.
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Kreayshawn is my latest obsession!The cutest pocket white girl ever and she's mad gangsta, son! I love her!
More of my favourite gangsta white bitch, Kreayshawn. I love her. I hope you love her too!
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I'm here, I'm queer, buy me a drink
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